Love Shouldn't Hurt
We got married in June 2010, which I thought would be the best day of my life… well, it wasn’t. We flew to the state where his family lived for our first ceremony. It was my first time going and meeting his family. I was nervous. I didn’t know what they were like or how they would accept me. Lucky for me, I wouldn’t be alone because my mom flew in the next day. I didn’t feel as welcome to the family as I was expecting, which made me insure the entire time. We had to get through it since we had flown so far for us to get married. When I mentioned how I felt to my soon to be husband, it just caused a big fight between us.
The day before the ceremony, his parents took us all out for a nice dinner. This dinner was right after our huge fight, so the entire time at dinner, I was in a pissy ungrateful mood. My mom even had to set me aside and snap it out of me, but I couldn’t. The things that were said were just so hurtful. I didn’t want to be there but curled up in a ball because I know that my future in-laws not only didn’t care for me before but after this attitude didn’t like me at all. Well, that ended, and we went home for the night. We fought again about how I acted at dinner in front of his family and my mom. It was just a shitty situation at the time. As excited as we were about going back “home”, it changed us completely. We went to bed because the next day was going to be one of the biggest days of my life.
It was my wedding day! I woke up still upset about the next day but tried to stay positive because I love this man beyond words. As we are getting ready for the ceremony, he brings up the night before, and we begin to fight again. I was in tears throughout the entire argument. The one thing I would never forget about this fight was when he tells me that he is only marrying me now because we flew all that way to shut the fuck up, wipe my tears and finish getting ready. He didn’t want to disappoint his family. My mom was in the next room, getting ready as she hears everything going on. I was embarrassed and sad on my wedding day, but I went through with it. The person who I was going to spend the rest of my life with, the man I love so much, just told me he didn’t’ want to marry me, and he was only marrying me because now he had to. Well, if that wasn’t a sign to show what the rest of our marriage would be, then I don’t know what was.
The ceremony was intimate overlooking water. We said our I Do’s. We had a lovely lunch with everyone, and the rest of the day was great. We continued everything as if nothing had happened prior. We were excited about our honeymoon. My mom went back home, and we spent the day before our honeymoon with his family hanging out and getting to know one another. We left for our amazing honeymoon, which was everything you could imagine from a honeymoon. We went somewhere exotic, we explored, drank, and had the time of our lives. That honeymoon reassured me at the time that I made the right decision to marry my best friend. Gone for a week for the honeymoon and then had to return to his parents for another few days. Those few days were better than the first few days. After all this, we left back to Alaska happy and excited to start our lives.
Our marriage once back home started great. We finally moved in together. We always took care of one another. We were a great team. We fought a lot but mostly because of alcohol and jealousy. The thing about our fights even though they would be nasty at times or out of control is that we never let it go into the next day. We swept a lot of things under the rug and continue as the fights never happened. I would get in his face all the time as he would with me. I was not innocent in these arguments. We got a little physical once or twice but nothing so extreme that anyone would consider abuse, I guess. We fought like an average couple, so we thought.
Time goes by, and we have our second ceremony in December back at my home. We went to our second ceremony where his family flew in as well. We had the time of our lives there. I finally got to wear a white dress, and my dad gave me away. It was a great time. My family liked him, as well as my friends. I mean, he was cool in my books. Well, that ended, and we went back to Alaska. For Christmas, he gave me a laptop computer that he would also use from time to time, but he had his own. Well, an issue we had throughout our marriage was jealousy on my part. I was always suspicious of one specific girl at his work. He was her team leader, so they worked closely with one another. He would tell me my suspicions were ridiculous. Most of the time, after he would say nothing is going on and I would let it go. They weren’t fights but more of smart-ass comments I would say about her. She was pretty, short, and Hispanic with colored eyes. He tended to flirt with women all the time; he would do it in front of me every time we would go out because he was a wingman for his friends. Most of his friends were single and since he was the life of the party we always went out with them. Most of the time, I was the only girl out with them because he wouldn’t go anywhere without me. He liked having me around, so he said. These outings either ended with great sex or a big fight. Since we went out all the time, it was a norm in the relationship. We were toxic to one another and crazy for one another that anything we thought was bad we accepted from both parties.
A few months went by, and its February, I was getting ready to deploy while he was getting ready to get out of the military. Another issue we had with one another because he wanted to leave me and go home to his state to get his education and start our lives there for us. I wasn’t getting out of the military any time soon. We always fought when the issue would come up, so we avoided it as much as possible.
Before deployment, we had to attend pre-deployment training, which was in a different state. Even though my husband was not deploying, he still had to participate in setting up and breaking down. He had to leave a week before me, so we decided to go out the night before he left. This was going to be one of the worse nights of my life. We had friends over, started drinking, and were having a good time. He had two of his co-workers and one of their wives hanging out with us. We were talking shit to one another as usual, and out of nowhere, he says to me, “ ******* gave me head.” The room went silent, and I was in shock at what came out of his mouth. Are you fuckin kidding me is the only thing that I could think, who the hell says that to their wife without a care and in front of other people?
The LOVE of my life must have had enough and admitted to the infidelity. I went to my room and began to pack my bags; I wanted to leave. He didn’t want me to go. He grabbed me and let me know I wasn’t allowed to leave him! He grabbed my bag, grabbed me by the neck, and threw me against the wall. He began telling me how much he loved me, and it was a mistake. I continued to try to leave. He throws me to another wall and grabs my neck while slamming my head against the wall. He punched me in the face more than once, takes me to the ground. At this point, I was fighting back. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. The person who I believe is the love of my life hurting me in such away. It goes on for what felt like an eternity. I am on the ground after being thrown around; he gets on top of me begins to choke me. He choked me to the point that I passed out. When I came back out of it, I woke up to him kicking my ribs. I yelled and pleaded him to stop. He stopped as if he was in shock and disbelief of what just occurred. I left.
I continued my life the next day with work black and purple in the face. When asked the question if he did that to me, I always said no. I was young and stupid; I kept quiet and denied anything. He could never do something like that to me... people knew without me saying it, no one was able to help since I was silent.
We didn’t see each other after the incident for about a week or two. We saw each other during the training for a few hours, but instead of talking about the event, we just had sex and said, see you later. After that, I didn’t see my husband for about a month. When we came home, we still didn’t speak of the incident; it was as if it never happened. After a few weeks of being back and staying silent, I decided that I couldn’t be with this man anymore. I didn’t want to be a woman stuck in a violent relationship because of the love I have for him. I asked for a divorce. Time was getting closer for him to leave and separate from the military as well as for my deployment. We said our goodbyes as he left the state and kissed and loved one another one last time. I was devasted; I just lost the love of my life. The person who hurt me the most was the person that I love the most.
The day before the ceremony, his parents took us all out for a nice dinner. This dinner was right after our huge fight, so the entire time at dinner, I was in a pissy ungrateful mood. My mom even had to set me aside and snap it out of me, but I couldn’t. The things that were said were just so hurtful. I didn’t want to be there but curled up in a ball because I know that my future in-laws not only didn’t care for me before but after this attitude didn’t like me at all. Well, that ended, and we went home for the night. We fought again about how I acted at dinner in front of his family and my mom. It was just a shitty situation at the time. As excited as we were about going back “home”, it changed us completely. We went to bed because the next day was going to be one of the biggest days of my life.
It was my wedding day! I woke up still upset about the next day but tried to stay positive because I love this man beyond words. As we are getting ready for the ceremony, he brings up the night before, and we begin to fight again. I was in tears throughout the entire argument. The one thing I would never forget about this fight was when he tells me that he is only marrying me now because we flew all that way to shut the fuck up, wipe my tears and finish getting ready. He didn’t want to disappoint his family. My mom was in the next room, getting ready as she hears everything going on. I was embarrassed and sad on my wedding day, but I went through with it. The person who I was going to spend the rest of my life with, the man I love so much, just told me he didn’t’ want to marry me, and he was only marrying me because now he had to. Well, if that wasn’t a sign to show what the rest of our marriage would be, then I don’t know what was.
The ceremony was intimate overlooking water. We said our I Do’s. We had a lovely lunch with everyone, and the rest of the day was great. We continued everything as if nothing had happened prior. We were excited about our honeymoon. My mom went back home, and we spent the day before our honeymoon with his family hanging out and getting to know one another. We left for our amazing honeymoon, which was everything you could imagine from a honeymoon. We went somewhere exotic, we explored, drank, and had the time of our lives. That honeymoon reassured me at the time that I made the right decision to marry my best friend. Gone for a week for the honeymoon and then had to return to his parents for another few days. Those few days were better than the first few days. After all this, we left back to Alaska happy and excited to start our lives.
Our marriage once back home started great. We finally moved in together. We always took care of one another. We were a great team. We fought a lot but mostly because of alcohol and jealousy. The thing about our fights even though they would be nasty at times or out of control is that we never let it go into the next day. We swept a lot of things under the rug and continue as the fights never happened. I would get in his face all the time as he would with me. I was not innocent in these arguments. We got a little physical once or twice but nothing so extreme that anyone would consider abuse, I guess. We fought like an average couple, so we thought.
Time goes by, and we have our second ceremony in December back at my home. We went to our second ceremony where his family flew in as well. We had the time of our lives there. I finally got to wear a white dress, and my dad gave me away. It was a great time. My family liked him, as well as my friends. I mean, he was cool in my books. Well, that ended, and we went back to Alaska. For Christmas, he gave me a laptop computer that he would also use from time to time, but he had his own. Well, an issue we had throughout our marriage was jealousy on my part. I was always suspicious of one specific girl at his work. He was her team leader, so they worked closely with one another. He would tell me my suspicions were ridiculous. Most of the time, after he would say nothing is going on and I would let it go. They weren’t fights but more of smart-ass comments I would say about her. She was pretty, short, and Hispanic with colored eyes. He tended to flirt with women all the time; he would do it in front of me every time we would go out because he was a wingman for his friends. Most of his friends were single and since he was the life of the party we always went out with them. Most of the time, I was the only girl out with them because he wouldn’t go anywhere without me. He liked having me around, so he said. These outings either ended with great sex or a big fight. Since we went out all the time, it was a norm in the relationship. We were toxic to one another and crazy for one another that anything we thought was bad we accepted from both parties.
A few months went by, and its February, I was getting ready to deploy while he was getting ready to get out of the military. Another issue we had with one another because he wanted to leave me and go home to his state to get his education and start our lives there for us. I wasn’t getting out of the military any time soon. We always fought when the issue would come up, so we avoided it as much as possible.
Before deployment, we had to attend pre-deployment training, which was in a different state. Even though my husband was not deploying, he still had to participate in setting up and breaking down. He had to leave a week before me, so we decided to go out the night before he left. This was going to be one of the worse nights of my life. We had friends over, started drinking, and were having a good time. He had two of his co-workers and one of their wives hanging out with us. We were talking shit to one another as usual, and out of nowhere, he says to me, “ ******* gave me head.” The room went silent, and I was in shock at what came out of his mouth. Are you fuckin kidding me is the only thing that I could think, who the hell says that to their wife without a care and in front of other people?
The LOVE of my life must have had enough and admitted to the infidelity. I went to my room and began to pack my bags; I wanted to leave. He didn’t want me to go. He grabbed me and let me know I wasn’t allowed to leave him! He grabbed my bag, grabbed me by the neck, and threw me against the wall. He began telling me how much he loved me, and it was a mistake. I continued to try to leave. He throws me to another wall and grabs my neck while slamming my head against the wall. He punched me in the face more than once, takes me to the ground. At this point, I was fighting back. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. The person who I believe is the love of my life hurting me in such away. It goes on for what felt like an eternity. I am on the ground after being thrown around; he gets on top of me begins to choke me. He choked me to the point that I passed out. When I came back out of it, I woke up to him kicking my ribs. I yelled and pleaded him to stop. He stopped as if he was in shock and disbelief of what just occurred. I left.
I continued my life the next day with work black and purple in the face. When asked the question if he did that to me, I always said no. I was young and stupid; I kept quiet and denied anything. He could never do something like that to me... people knew without me saying it, no one was able to help since I was silent.
We didn’t see each other after the incident for about a week or two. We saw each other during the training for a few hours, but instead of talking about the event, we just had sex and said, see you later. After that, I didn’t see my husband for about a month. When we came home, we still didn’t speak of the incident; it was as if it never happened. After a few weeks of being back and staying silent, I decided that I couldn’t be with this man anymore. I didn’t want to be a woman stuck in a violent relationship because of the love I have for him. I asked for a divorce. Time was getting closer for him to leave and separate from the military as well as for my deployment. We said our goodbyes as he left the state and kissed and loved one another one last time. I was devasted; I just lost the love of my life. The person who hurt me the most was the person that I love the most.