BLAST
It was awesome being a part of a Female Engagement Team because I got to experience Afghanistan differently. I was able to be dismounted with units on patrol and getting to know the local populace. I love everything about it: the good and the bad. The experience has changed me in ways that are hard to explain. It was amazing to see the women and for them to experience us. Most of the women I encountered didn’t know anything more than what was told to them by the men. They never left the four walls that contain them inside their homes or compound. My team was lucky because we had a great interpreter. This lady was sweet beyond words and had a big heart for what she was doing. We watched over her; she was our responsibility when we were out on patrol. She was an older woman compare to us, but she pushed through every time. As a team, we became close. We had gone through so much together throughout the deployment.
During deployment, everyone takes two weeks of R&R (rest and recuperation) at some point. My teammate and I took R&R later in the deployment. It was nice because by then we were ready for it. My teammate took leave after I did, which was what she wanted. She wanted to take it as late as possible in the year that we were there. She was gone a week before they asked if I considered going on a mission without my teammate; it would be my interpreter and myself. The type of mission it was they didn’t need the team just me to search if need be. Of course, I said yes! I could have said no, but I loved going and experiencing it all. Little did I know that night I said yes to what would be one of the worse days of my life.
We woke up and got ready as we did for every other time we went on patrol. We traveled in vehicles to our destination. When we arrived, the quietness of the village was beyond eerie. Most times, when we would arrive at the villages, the children would be running around outside, but this time not one soul was out. We had to dismount and walk to the village maybe half a mile from where the vehicle couldn’t get any closer. Our unit surrounded the village. We were going in from three or four different points. My team was walking through an open field before we could get to the village. While we were on approach, a voice came through the radio to stop movement, an improvised explosive device (IED) was found at the other end of the village. Again, on the other side, another one. We finally enter our point into the village, and not even 50 feet in, we also found an IED at our location. Everyone was at a standstill; we couldn’t go beyond the points that were cleared by our engineers. In front of me were about five personnel, I was middle which was normal, and then more behind me. My interpreter was usually with me or closed by since I was in charge of her, and she was my responsibility. We were at a standstill for quite some time waiting for the EOD team to arrive. Eventually, my interpreter got restless and needed to sit; she decided to sit next to a tree that was in our area. I was facing away since I was rear security; I didn’t see where she went to relax. The next thing I remember was ringing in my ears.
I was thrown from the blast. When I came to all I hear is screaming; I get up, see her and run towards her. She stepped on a secondary IED. Her legs were mangled; there was blood everywhere. Another person that was facing her got shrapnel in his eyes, he was screaming, and his eye was bleeding. I tried my best to help our commander with her legs. He told me what to do, and I did as much as I could. We applied the tourniquets as best as possible to each leg. After, they said to be there for her. I played with her hair, reassured her, and apologized for what happened as much as possible. She kept asking me if she had her legs, she couldn’t feel them. The hardest thing for me to say was that she would be okay because I already knew that wasn’t the case. I couldn’t cry, I sucked it up and was just there for her as much as possible until they were able to air vac her to a hospital. I was in shock. No tears. No reaction. The people with me were worried, but because that week I was going to the board for promotion, to distract me they just began to quiz me and keep my mind off of the event that happens.
After that incident, the mission ended, and everyone returned to our base. I have to say I was so blessed to have the men that I did there with me. As soon as we got back and I went straight to my tent, I fell on my knees. I fell on my knees, and I just screamed, I screamed and cried! Why did this have to happen to her? Why couldn’t it be me! The pain I felt, the guilt I thought I just let it all out. It felt as if I was crying for hours, but at a point, I had to stop to be checked out by medical. When they asked me if anything was wrong, I said NO, nothing wrong with me, I have all my limbs, and I don’t have blood. The blood on me was from her. I do not think I slept for weeks; they tried different medications and methods. My dreams were so vivid I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night or day.
I will never forget the dream. In the dream, my interpreter would be screaming my name, crawling out of her bed with no legs and bleeding everywhere, and asking me how I could let that happen to her that it should have been me. I had that dream for longer than I can recall. The guilt had eaten me up from the inside for not being able to protect her. The guilt of thinking thank goodness it wasn’t me because it damn well could have been me. I wasn’t too far from her that if we didn’t stop, I was probably the one who would have stepped on it. It was the end of the deployment when this happens. The units were reluctant to ask me to go out again. But one day they decided to ask if I was okay going out, I said yes! I am glad I did, that day I had a conversation with one of the guys who I rarely spoke to, he said he didn’t like that we were there, he didn’t want to work with us and it was stupid to bring a distraction out on missions. Then he went on to say I’m glad you guys proved me wrong.
During deployment, everyone takes two weeks of R&R (rest and recuperation) at some point. My teammate and I took R&R later in the deployment. It was nice because by then we were ready for it. My teammate took leave after I did, which was what she wanted. She wanted to take it as late as possible in the year that we were there. She was gone a week before they asked if I considered going on a mission without my teammate; it would be my interpreter and myself. The type of mission it was they didn’t need the team just me to search if need be. Of course, I said yes! I could have said no, but I loved going and experiencing it all. Little did I know that night I said yes to what would be one of the worse days of my life.
We woke up and got ready as we did for every other time we went on patrol. We traveled in vehicles to our destination. When we arrived, the quietness of the village was beyond eerie. Most times, when we would arrive at the villages, the children would be running around outside, but this time not one soul was out. We had to dismount and walk to the village maybe half a mile from where the vehicle couldn’t get any closer. Our unit surrounded the village. We were going in from three or four different points. My team was walking through an open field before we could get to the village. While we were on approach, a voice came through the radio to stop movement, an improvised explosive device (IED) was found at the other end of the village. Again, on the other side, another one. We finally enter our point into the village, and not even 50 feet in, we also found an IED at our location. Everyone was at a standstill; we couldn’t go beyond the points that were cleared by our engineers. In front of me were about five personnel, I was middle which was normal, and then more behind me. My interpreter was usually with me or closed by since I was in charge of her, and she was my responsibility. We were at a standstill for quite some time waiting for the EOD team to arrive. Eventually, my interpreter got restless and needed to sit; she decided to sit next to a tree that was in our area. I was facing away since I was rear security; I didn’t see where she went to relax. The next thing I remember was ringing in my ears.
I was thrown from the blast. When I came to all I hear is screaming; I get up, see her and run towards her. She stepped on a secondary IED. Her legs were mangled; there was blood everywhere. Another person that was facing her got shrapnel in his eyes, he was screaming, and his eye was bleeding. I tried my best to help our commander with her legs. He told me what to do, and I did as much as I could. We applied the tourniquets as best as possible to each leg. After, they said to be there for her. I played with her hair, reassured her, and apologized for what happened as much as possible. She kept asking me if she had her legs, she couldn’t feel them. The hardest thing for me to say was that she would be okay because I already knew that wasn’t the case. I couldn’t cry, I sucked it up and was just there for her as much as possible until they were able to air vac her to a hospital. I was in shock. No tears. No reaction. The people with me were worried, but because that week I was going to the board for promotion, to distract me they just began to quiz me and keep my mind off of the event that happens.
After that incident, the mission ended, and everyone returned to our base. I have to say I was so blessed to have the men that I did there with me. As soon as we got back and I went straight to my tent, I fell on my knees. I fell on my knees, and I just screamed, I screamed and cried! Why did this have to happen to her? Why couldn’t it be me! The pain I felt, the guilt I thought I just let it all out. It felt as if I was crying for hours, but at a point, I had to stop to be checked out by medical. When they asked me if anything was wrong, I said NO, nothing wrong with me, I have all my limbs, and I don’t have blood. The blood on me was from her. I do not think I slept for weeks; they tried different medications and methods. My dreams were so vivid I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night or day.
I will never forget the dream. In the dream, my interpreter would be screaming my name, crawling out of her bed with no legs and bleeding everywhere, and asking me how I could let that happen to her that it should have been me. I had that dream for longer than I can recall. The guilt had eaten me up from the inside for not being able to protect her. The guilt of thinking thank goodness it wasn’t me because it damn well could have been me. I wasn’t too far from her that if we didn’t stop, I was probably the one who would have stepped on it. It was the end of the deployment when this happens. The units were reluctant to ask me to go out again. But one day they decided to ask if I was okay going out, I said yes! I am glad I did, that day I had a conversation with one of the guys who I rarely spoke to, he said he didn’t like that we were there, he didn’t want to work with us and it was stupid to bring a distraction out on missions. Then he went on to say I’m glad you guys proved me wrong.