Returning Home
It was time to head back to the states. After a long year of pain, I was looking forward to returning to something normal, having drinks, dinners, and being able to wear civilian clothes. I couldn't wait to take a long shower and do my hair and makeup! When most people think of returning to the states from deployments, they always see these videos of having someone there waiting for them. Family. Friends. My teammate and I returned to no one awaiting us, but luckily we had each other. We meet up with my best friend the next day as she was working when I got back. We got our nails done, had dinner, and went out for the first time in a long time. Felt so good but not for long. My high from being home lasted a few days before I came back to reality and realized I changed. My entire life changed in one year.
IN ONE YEAR I EXPERIENCED...Domestic ViolenceRapeLossPainTraumaInvisible Wounds
The first thing I turned to was a man. We met in Afghanistan and began "dating" there. He was handsome, fun, and a great distraction. He was there for me at a time I didn't have anyone else. I think I fell in love with him out of vulnerability and having someone to love me back. We were crazy for each other, even if it was a short period. Six months of fun and great sex. Six months of partying and exploring life together. Six months of motivating each other and building one another up. I don't know if it was love but infatuation. We went on vacation, and that was the end of that relationship. Heartbroken again. Being heartbroken again definitely set off everything I was suppressing. All the pain I didn't want to fell I was feeling once again. I was hiding it and ignoring that I needed to heal. I didn't.
I became a bit sad, but I always suppressed that feeling because I was afraid of what others would think. I didn't want to be dramatic or the victim. I just came back from a hard deployment where I felt like a badass. The men I worked with looked at me differently at the end of the deployment then they did at the beginning. I would drink in my room alone, cry and cry and cry and cry...I was lucky my roommate would lay with me and just hold me. She didn't know what was wrong, but she was there for me. I thank God for her every day. It wasn't easy hiding it all the time. I don't think people knew how sad I was.
Finally, it was time for me to leave Alaska! It was a sad time as I had some of my best memories there, worse memories, and made the best friends a woman can ask for. They became my sisters. It was hard for me to say goodbye to a place that changed my life to the people who changed my life. I prayed for the next chapter of my life to be different. Amazing!
I was on my way to Fort Riley, Kansas.
Coming off the plane to Kansas, I meet a man...Little did I know my life was about to change.
IN ONE YEAR I EXPERIENCED...Domestic ViolenceRapeLossPainTraumaInvisible Wounds
The first thing I turned to was a man. We met in Afghanistan and began "dating" there. He was handsome, fun, and a great distraction. He was there for me at a time I didn't have anyone else. I think I fell in love with him out of vulnerability and having someone to love me back. We were crazy for each other, even if it was a short period. Six months of fun and great sex. Six months of partying and exploring life together. Six months of motivating each other and building one another up. I don't know if it was love but infatuation. We went on vacation, and that was the end of that relationship. Heartbroken again. Being heartbroken again definitely set off everything I was suppressing. All the pain I didn't want to fell I was feeling once again. I was hiding it and ignoring that I needed to heal. I didn't.
I became a bit sad, but I always suppressed that feeling because I was afraid of what others would think. I didn't want to be dramatic or the victim. I just came back from a hard deployment where I felt like a badass. The men I worked with looked at me differently at the end of the deployment then they did at the beginning. I would drink in my room alone, cry and cry and cry and cry...I was lucky my roommate would lay with me and just hold me. She didn't know what was wrong, but she was there for me. I thank God for her every day. It wasn't easy hiding it all the time. I don't think people knew how sad I was.
Finally, it was time for me to leave Alaska! It was a sad time as I had some of my best memories there, worse memories, and made the best friends a woman can ask for. They became my sisters. It was hard for me to say goodbye to a place that changed my life to the people who changed my life. I prayed for the next chapter of my life to be different. Amazing!
I was on my way to Fort Riley, Kansas.
Coming off the plane to Kansas, I meet a man...Little did I know my life was about to change.